October 17, 2022 – Our writing group received the news this morning of Tee’s death. We knew it was coming, but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear.
Tee was a freight train.
She had a fire in her belly and used it to fuel her goal. Tee proved that you could accomplish anything when you put your mind to it. She came to the online community because she wanted to finish and publish her memoir about her life after she was diagnosed with brain cancer. At the beginning of September, she had done both. She always had a smile on her face and a kick-ass attitude.
Tee was a badass!
October 18, 2022 – Every morning, I read a page out of the book by Judith Orloff, MD. “Thriving as an Empath.” Today’s reading is called “In Good Time.” She writes:
“I love the verse from Ecclesiastes that says, ‘To every thing, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.’ Listening to your intuition keeps you in touch with divine timing. If you try to rush what is not yet ready to occur, you will create any impossible expectation and a deep sense of frustration.”
This is my journal response – This lesson butts right up against news of Tee’s passing and the sense of urgency I feel. It’s been nine years (not all of it working on the book), and you are still f**king around with Bat Crap Crazy! It’s not the Great American Novel! Get it done and published already!
I am wallowing in the contradiction of “In Good Time” and “Time is a wasting.” Balance is hard to see today.
I use a set of index cards to plan my day. Each card has one task and a time duration assigned to it. Green is for everyday tasks, blue for weekly, pink for monthly, yellow for any-time tasks, and white for all-day activities. Every morning I go through the collection and pick out which ones I will tackle, and then I sort them from the beginning of my day through when my husband gets home from work.
They keep me focused…..mostly.
Today, Tuesday has gotten busy. Too busy. I looked at my card stack and thought I had put too much on my plate. So, I have to start shifting things around. This reorganizing is exhausting. The struggle to balance “getting things done” is rubbing raw the need for mindfulness and patience. And I can’t say for sure which side is winning at the moment. So, I stare at that pile of cards and feel angry.
Well, that is a strange emotion, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I am angry at myself. I am the one piling these items on my “to-do” list. I’m the one who let the slithering need for more to wrap skillfully and silently around me, and…Yeah, anger is the correct emotion.
Anger doesn’t help me or my goals. I know I have to be kind to myself, or I won’t end up doing anything. (I’m stubborn that way.) I have to remind myself to kick ass what I can, and the rest can be left undone with no regrets. Tee taught me that.
Tee was a badass!